Tonight Show, May 25, 2005

We picked up the tickets for the Tonight Show and waited in line until they let us into the studio late in the afternoon. The NBC staff carefully places the people who have waited longest right where the giant cameras completely obliterate your view. It’s okay though because the reason you go to Leno live is to see what happens before the show, during commercial breaks, and after the show.

We noticed that Russell was standing near the area where the musical guests play, which is also right next to where we all-day line waiters sit. He was holding sweet Charlie, talking in his ear, kissing the top of his head and looking where Charlie looked. It was unbearably cute and made me miss the days when mine we so small.

Charlie apparently wanted to see the view from above, because next thing we knew, Russell had carted him up the side of the studio to the top and was pointing out the sights. By this time, half the studio was staring at them. Charlie still has his curls, I was thrilled to see. I did not see Dani, but I believe Russell mentions she was there during the taping. Father and son descended the stairs and disappeared backstage.

The other best moment, at least to us, was during a commercial break when everyone else had left the stage. Russell walked to the edge of the stage and stood, feet apart, hands folded in front of him. He looked directly at those of us in that front row, first riser and appeared to be waiting, almost smirking. As if on cue, we all waved and grinned. That earned us a grin and a wave back, wiggling his fingers. This lasted about ten delicious seconds.

I love it that he stays for the whole show. He seems to think it his job to co-interview the next guest. He listened and bopped a wee bit to Nelly. Then we watched them film three teasers where Jay kept making rude remarks about Australians to crack Russell up.

Afterward, we did something I am a little embarrassed to admit. I did not want an autograph – I have others, but I wanted to tell him a couple of things.

We had to wait awhile, as we were told he was taping the Ellen show as well, but eventually the now familiar black SUV – only this time there were two - slowed as it approached us. It did not occur to me that he would stop, I was hoping for a wave. As soon as the window began to roll down, I spit out message number one: “Your boy is just beautiful, Russell!”

The car stopped right next to me and the front passenger window came all the way down. He had changed out of his suit and was wearing the cream North Bergen zip up and those awesome new sunnies. He smiled. “Thank you. Do you have anything you would like me to sign?”

I whipped the Tonight Show pass out of my purse and handed it to him. “Thank you for bringing him out, it was a treat,” I said, meaning Charlie. He smiled again.

I was fumbling for a Sharpie as Darrin prepared to rip the front page out of her novel for him to sign. “Give him your green pass!” I hissed. She pulled her pass out and handed it over as mine came back through the window. Russell had his own Sharpie. Only he gave it to Darrin! Darrin told him that she loved My Hand My Heart and pocketed his Sharpie. Klepto.

I think that’s when he said, “Cheers, luv,” and she became incomprehensible for the next hour or so.

I delivered my second message. “We hope you tour My Hand My Heart! We love it!”

Sadly, he did not say, “Of course I will! What city would you like?” He smiled again and said some things about the record and iTunes which I cannot remember to save my life. My brain was mush by then.

There were only six of us nutters total, and he began to shake everyone’s hand but I was out of reach, having stepped away after my turn. I told myself, it’s okay, don’t be a freak, you don’t need to touch him, but the truth must have shown on my face because he reached out to me after he had caught the others. I reached back and he curled his fingertips and tugged twice at mine. I felt just like poor, besotted Nellie, all aflutter, when she reaches for East’s hand. He is so lovely. His behavior seemed very deliberate. It went beyond patience or even generosity - I felt like he was actually pleased to see us and to hear what we had to say, and that he wanted us to know it.

I stepped back, smiling and waving at the tinted windows of the second SUV, knowing that Dani and Charlie were probably inside.

Then I had to guide Darrin Lee across seven city blocks while she cried, giggled, and babbled, “He said, ‘Cheers, luv.’ To me!” A hundred times or so.

I keep replaying images from the Q&A and the Tonight Show in my head - all his tiny facial expressions as well as the broad clowning. What stands out most is how comfortable he seems in his own skin. The confidence and peace are very attractive. I like to think that he is in a great place - with his family, his work and himself. For those of you who have been to a concert and seen the range of emotions that run across his face in five minutes, you know that it is not like looking at still photos. Russell has been both an inspiration and source of joy - my sunshine - for over five years now. Instead of feeling like a pest, I came away feeling like we had reflected just a bit of those warming rays back onto him.

Thanks, Tamara